Amazing Kids! Magazine

The Auditions

By Brandon Kuske, LOL Column Editor


Editor’s Note: A slight knowledge of Harry Potter is required to fully enjoy this story.

One sunny day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Harry Potter was walking back from potions class with his two friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. Hermione was being a know-it-all like usual, lecturing Harry and Ron on the importance of finishing their homework on time. Professor Snape had not been very happy when Harry turned in a blank piece of parchment as his report.

“You need to understand that your whole future could be affected by this,” Hermione continued. “You don’t just get a job because you really want it.”

Harry, however, wasn’t listening. He was quietly planning ideas with Ron to skip their homework. He had just started discussing the old “My Hippogriff ate my homework” trick when he toppled right into his worst enemy, Draco Malfoy, who was being dutifully followed by Crabbe and Goyle.

“Watch where you’re going, Potter,” Draco spat. “Think you’re better than everyone else, do you?” Crabbe and Goyle laughed stupidly.

“Quiet, you two!” Malfoy paced around the floor, eying Harry suspiciously. “I’ll bet you’re trying out for the Hogwarts band, aren’t you? You just can’t miss a chance to show off.”

“Band? Hogwarts has a band?” Harry said questioningly.

“I personally think joining the band is a great way to motivate students towards music,” Hermione said. “Hogwarts needs to have more incentives like this so students can — ”

Harry and Ron weren’t listening anymore. “Harry,” Ron said, Hermione still talking in the background, “I think we’ve found our ticket out of homework!”

That night at the dormitories, Harry and Ron told everyone about the band. Auditions were in two days, and while his master plan didn’t require so many students, he still wanted Gryffindor’s part of the band to be better than Slytherin’s.

Two days later, The Auditions arrived. Everybody had chosen an instrument that they felt best suited their personality. Professor  Dumbledore was going to be the conductor, and would decide who would make it into the band, and Professor Flitwick, the charms teacher, would help him with both positions.

“Settle down, everyone,” Dumbledore said, and they all obeyed. “To be in the band, you must be good at your instrument, and have at least one other person in your section. Piano, guitar, and percussion all count as one section. First up is Harry Potter.”

Harry approached the stage. His scar was burning, and that only happened when bad things were coming…

Harry got out his instrument, a worn but sturdy French Horn. He played a song that was widely known and fairly easy to play, but he played it perfectly.

“Congratulations,” Dumbledore said. “You’re in the band, if we can find another French Horn to play with you.”

That other turned out to be Cedric Diggory, and he and Harry made the band.

Next up was the Trumpet section, and all of the Weasleys tried out, excluding Percy and his parents. They played a three part harmony, a funky song that only they could pull off. They were accepted into the band.

Percy, formerly thinking that the band was a terrible idea, saw his brothers being better than him. He marched up to Dumbledore and demanded to be the conductor.

“Sorry Percy, that position has already been taken up by Professor Flitwick and myself. You’ll have to find some other instrument to play.” It took an hour to pry Percy away, and they accomplished it only with the aid of a repelling charm.

“Quiet! Quiet!” Flitwick shouted at the students, who had long since resumed their former volume. “Next up are the flutes!”

Hermione walked onto the stage, attempting to wear an elegant gown that was much too big for her. Her partner, Fluer Delacour, however, was wearing the same dress, and had no trouble at all making it work. They sat down together and played an old, forgotten tune that made everybody listening want to cry. They were readily accepted into the band.

Harry’s scar was burning even worse now, but there was nobody that looked evil in the audience except Draco, who was giving Harry a look of sheer disgust at having made it into the band.

“Next up, we have the-”

“Trombones!” Malfoy interrupted, and began playing a loud, obnoxious melody, but playing it just fine.

“Well, Draco, you did well, but we can’t accept you into the band. We don’t have enough players,” Dumbledore said.

“Crabbe! Goyle! Get over here!” Malfoy shoved them on the stage. They played so terribly that Dumbledore had to stop them early.

“Sorry Draco, but you and your friends didn’t make it.”

Draco was outraged. “Wait ‘till my father hears about this!” he said in disgust, and he left.

Though Harry enjoyed the absence of Malfoy, his scar wasn’t getting any better. He decided to just get through the rest of the auditions and then deal with his scar.

The auditions dragged on. Luna Lovegood on clarinet with Neville and Hagrid on tuba with his brother Grawp, and Dobby on the Xylophone, with Cho Chang on the piano and Penelope Clearwater on the Guitar. Professor Lockheart moved through the students, correcting their posture and telling them the right way to hold the instrument.

Harry was just about to go up to the hospital wing due to the intense burning of his scar when the pain suddenly subsided, and a large boom sounded from outside. Everybody gasped when Voldemort, the Dark Lord himself, walked in, accompanied by many black-clad figures. The teachers scrambled around for their wands to apprehend Voldemort. Voldemort, however, hadn’t come to attack.

“Hello, friends!” Voldemort beamed at the terrified crowd. Neville fainted. “I am not here to kill you all. I’ve saved that for a special day in a few years. I heard Hogwarts has a band, and my followers and I want to audition!”

Dumbledore, confused, lowered his wand slightly. “Well, if a student can try out, I don’t see why you can’t. Fenrir Greyback, you first.”

The werewolf walked up to the stage, glanced hungrily at the audience, gave them an evil grin, and just when they all thought he was going to pounce, he took out a piccolo and played an Irish song as he danced a jig. His playing was terrible, but his dancing was fantastic.

“Sorry Fenrir, bur this is a band, not a dance class. Next.”

Bellatrix Lestrange walked up to the stage, looking as insane as ever. She gave a crazy laugh before taking out a set of bagpipes, giving some to four of her fellow Death Eaters, and played a happy tune while doing a dance.

“You did play quite well, but I’m afraid we don’t accept exotic instruments,” Dumbledore said.

“What???” Bellatrix shouted. “I don’t care what you think! I deserve to do this!”

It took as long to pry her off as it did Percy.

The last one to audition was Voldemort. Harry’s scar started to hurt again. The teachers prepared for battle. Voldemort gave an evil grin before reaching into his robes, pulling out his wand, raising it high into the air…

And clinking it on the tiny silver triangle. He played Mary had a Little Lamb, or at least tried to. It’s not easy to play a solo on a triangle.

Everybody laughed. Dumbledore said, “Sorry Voldemort, but you didn’t make the band.”


And with that, he cast a spell, and the entire auditorium erupted in flames. When the smoke cleared, Voldemort was gone, but the stage was in ruin. It was obvious that forming a band was no longer viable.

“So,” Dumbledore said, coughing through the smoke. “Who’s up for Choir?”

Later, back in potions class, Snape demanded to see their homework, a paper on the qualities of Moonstone. Through all of the confusion, Harry and Ron had forgotten to enact their master plan, and had forgotten to do their homework. Though Hermione turned in a 13 page report, Harry and Ron turned in blank pieces of parchment, yet again.

“Looks like I’ll be seeing you two in detention,” Snape said, and Hermione turned around to face them.
“I told you so,” she said, and they groaned and slumped back in their seats.